Sexual Compulsivity

 

Introduction

Sexual Compulsivity, or sexual addiction, are terms used to describe patterns where sex feels powerful without being pleasant or something that is repeated over and over with less and less reward or sense of control.

 

No single type of behavior can be used to define sexual compulsivity.  However, according to a review article published by gayhealth.com, some of the most significant “symptoms” include:

  • Recurrent, intense sexual urges, impulses or behavior that causes stress.

  • Continued display of sexual behavior despite a desire to reduce or terminate such behavior.

  • Arrests for illegal sexual behavior including prostitution, indecent exposure, voyeurism, selling or buying child pornography, or sexual acts with a minor.

  • Financial problems due to excess money spent on sexually oriented pursuits (for example, pornography, online sex, phone sex, prostitution, etc.).

  • A significant decrease in important social, recreational or occupational activities because they interfere with sexual activities.

  • A propensity to engage in additional high-risk behaviors including unprotected sex and drug and alcohol abuse.

  • Contracting frequent and/or multiple sexually transmitted diseases (for example, HIV, syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, etc.).

  • Continuation of sexual behavior despite persistent problems directly caused by the sexual behaviors.

Sex – like food or drugs in other addictions – can be used for a “high”, an escape, or a coping mechanism.  Even the healthiest forms of human sexual expression can turn into self-defeating behaviors.  A related phenomenon called “sexual anorexia” occurs when someone avoids or deprives him or herself of sexual expression.

 

Some of the possible “causes” of sexual compulsion described by gayhealth.com include:

 

  • Lack of trust in significant others
  • Fear of closeness and/or intimacy
  • Negative self-perception
  • Unending need for attention
  • Low self-esteem, self-worth and self-respect
  • Feeling unloved, unattractive, and unwanted
  • Self-destructive tendencies
  • Feelings of depression, sadness, loneliness
  • Views of sex as the only "viable" means of connecting with others

 

It is estimated that three to six percent of the population suffers from sexual addiction or compulsion (but that seems to be increasing, especially as related to use of the Internet for sex).

 

The Bad

Like other addictions, sexual compulsion tends to get worse over time – it takes more of the substance or behavior to produce the same effect.  The sexual behavior tends to become more risky with damaging consequences for health, finances, relationships, and work.  As the behavior increases so may incidents of related drug abuse and sexually transmitted disease (including HIV).  Many people with sexual addiction grapple with other addictions as well, but they find sex addiction the most difficult to stop.

 

The Good

Like any other addiction or compulsion, there is great hope for recovery.  Treatment is available and can be very effective.  Medical and mental health professionals are becoming more aware of, and educated about, the issue.  Twelve-Step and other groups are available to support recovery.

 

Why it’s LGBT

It is not really known how common sexual compulsivity is in the LGBT community, but some suggest it may be higher than the general population.  Freedom of sexual expression has been an important theme in the history of gay culture.  However, as is discussed above, a number of “negative” factors in the lives of LGBTs can lead to sexual compulsivity.

 

What to Do

  • Don’t rush to judgment.  Take a look at your sexual behavior – there are tools to help you self-assess.  Sex, like food, is something that everyone needs – the question is how nourishing you’re finding it. 
  • Become more aware of why you’re having sex – horny, as opposed to anxious or bored or depressed. 
  • Talk about it with someone – find a support group, speak with your healthcare provider or consult a knowledgeable mental health professional. 
  • Above all, establish a definition of what healthy, responsible sexual behavior is foryou.

Tools

Many organizations have questionnaires and checklists to help you determine now nourishing your sex life really is.  These forms should not be used to self-diagnose sexual compulsivity, but rather help pinpoint concerns to speak with a healthcare or mental health provider about. 

 

 

Additional reading:

 

“Sexual Compulsivity,” an excerpt from Men Like Us: The GMHC Guide To Gay Men’s Sexual, Physical, and Emotional Well Being, by Daniel Wolfe (Ballantine Publishing Group, New York, 2000).

 

There are also twelve-step recovery programs: